Irkens Are A Proud Race
by LadySilvermist
Summary: Zim finds he doesn't really mind being a pet for this one girl. Becoming a collection of one shots, with no plot :D
1. How This Came To Be

Zim sat on the floor, messing with a new toy he'd just gotten. After a few minutes, he got bored with it, and called out to someone in the other room. "Rayvn! I wish to watch the idiot box! PROCURE FOR ZIIIIIM THE REMOTE!"

A girl of about 5'6'' walked into the room, smiling at him fondly. He squeaked a bit as the girl scooped him up off the floor. Once, he would have destroyed someone for doing that, but he'd given up hope of doing anything about her long ago. She was much taller than he was, and even when he had tried his hardest to eradicate her, she had dodged his attacks and used some kind of restraining move on him. He snorted disdainfully at the memory. She had used a move that humans employed to quiet _hyper children._ He was still disgusted with himself that he had been bested in such a way.

The girl carried him with her over to the couch and turned on a show she found amusing, about a talking dog that solved mysteries. Zim couldn't help but giggle occasionally at the antics the characters got up to, although he stopped himself whenever he caught her smiling at him, trying to act aloof. Zim glared at the floor as he thought about how this had come to be.

He had been on a routine scouting expedition with GIR. Dib, the big headed fool, had snuck up on them. When Zim turned around, Dib swung what looked to be a bat at his head, causing him to go down. As his vision fuzzed out, he heard a voice, a female dirt-pig. "Hey! Idiot, leave that Irken alone!" At the time, he assumed he must have been mistaken, that it wasn't a dirty human at all but another Irken, probably sent by The Almighty Tallest to assist him. He heard them arguing, Dib screaming that Zim had to be destroyed and the female claiming that Zim was harmless. Finally, there was the sound of flesh connecting and Dib hit the dirt next to him, his eyes all…derped out, was probably the expression. Zim felt himself being lifted off the dirt, and gasped. The female was much taller than he had suspected. At that point, he had completely blacked out.

When he came to his senses, he was lying on a very comfortable couch. He looked around and found the female who had rescued him sitting beside the couch, watching him intently. She was human; she had human smell all over her. He had shrieked and extended the metal legs in his PAK, attacking her. She rolled out of the way and got behind him. She had jumped up onto the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around his waist. He had struggled, but the legs of his PAK only bent one way and he was, essentially, helpless. He struggled for as long as he could, but eventually he ran out of energy.

When he finally retracted his PAK legs and let himself dangle in her grasp, resigned to what he assumed would be a horrid fate, he heard her speak.

"Are you calm now?" She asked quietly. He nodded, hoping whatever she planned to do to him would be quick. "Good. Now if my information on Irkens is correct, you enjoy snacks quite a bit. I happen to have a huge stockpile of chips, dip, little microwavable things and snack cakes. You're welcome to have some, if you want."

Zim had blinked in confusion, his antenna flattening in distrust. "You're offering to share food with ZIM?" He asked, mistrust in his voice.

"Of course. After such a struggle, I would imagine you're hungry. And since snacking is a huge part of Irken culture, I feel it would be rude not to offer you something. Of course, I'll have to keep a hold on you, so you don't try to attack me again." Zim could almost feel the smile on her face. He growled, frustrated, but he was too tired to protest, so he simply nodded. The girl carried him through her kitchen and to what seemed to be a closet. When she opened it, Zim gasped. Even The Tallest didn't have such a magnificent stockpile of snacks as this! Everywhere he looked, there was a different type of chip, or snacky cake, or drink. His mouth watered at the sight of it all.

"This…all this snacky deliciousness!" He squealed, his eyes bulging. "And ZIM can have ANY of it he desires?!"

"Of course," The girl said. "I have way more than enough, and if I run out I can always go buy more."

Zim waved his arms around frantically. "Get me closer to the glorious snacks! I WAAAAAANT THEEEEEM! GIVE TO ZIM!"

The girl laughed and moved closer to the snacks. Zim grabbed everything he could hold, his mouth watering as he saw racks upon racks of flavors of something called Doritos. Once his arms were full, the girl turned and carried him back to the living room. She sat on the couch with him captive in her lap like an earth child. He didn't mind, however, as he was deeply engrossed in trying and devouring the snacks.

"Hey...how do you know so much about Irkens?" Zim asked suddenly around a mouthful of Zebra Cake.

"When I was five, I was visited by the Meecrob. They downloaded information about almost every species in the universe into my brain, claiming that it would one day be useful. It seems they were right," she smiled.

"Interfering energy sacks," Zim muttered darkly. He polished off the whole bag of chips he'd grabbed, as well as all the mini-cakes and soda. "THE GREAT ZIM IS FINISHED," He announced loudly. "I thank you for your service to the mighty Irken race, when we take over your death will be quick and relatively painless. I must return to my base now."

The girls arms tightened around Zim. "I'm afraid that's not possible, Zim. You see, I need a companion. And since I kept that big-headed kid from killing you…"

Zim had panicked. He had screeched and railed and fought, but in the end it did no good. She had captured him fair and square, and by Irken Rules of War he was her prisoner. She was kind: She provided snacks, allowed him to call her Rayvn instead of Master, as he had thought would be the proper way to address his captor. She bought him comfortable clothes, made from expensive earth materials, and even let him call and report to The Tallest. In fact, he wasn't even sure what his problem with it was. It was kind of nice. Like having a very attentive parent. He was like a very intelligent Smeet! Of course, all smeet were intelligent, Irkens are a proud race-

Rayvn suddenly started petting his head, like one would pet a dog. Oh right. That's why he didn't like it. He was a pet. He sighed. Honestly, the petting wasn't unpleasant (it actually was rather soothing), it was just… undignified. And Irkens are a proud race!

"Hey Zimmy, you want some Doritos? I got a new flavor today, it's supposed to taste like hot wings." Rayvn smiled as Zims antenna perked up, showing interest.

"Yes! Bring some for ZIM! I CRAVE NEW FLAVORS! I neeeeeeeed theeeeeeem!" Zim yelled, excited. Oh, boy! A new flavor! He caught himself at that point. He was, it seemed, becoming accustomed to and…agreeable with…the situation of being a pet. He sighed again. Irkens are a proud race…mostly.


	2. Story 1: The Kitten Incident

Rayvn was awakened by a loud screech and the sound of clattering metal. She jerked upright in bed, her hair a massive black cloud around her head. "What…Whus happnin…" She muttered groggily, glancing at the clock. It was 3 A.M. on the dot. She floundered out of bed, tripping over her covers before finally making it out of the bedroom door.

"FILTHY, FILTHY EARTH BEAST! RAYVN! HELP ZIIIIIM!" Came a voice from down the hall, followed by another metallic clatter. Rayvn rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stared blankly down the hallway for a minute, before it hit her that there was probably trouble. She took off at a run, finally coming to the living room, where she beheld quite a sight. Her favorite little Irken was pressed up against the wall, high up on his PAK legs. Across the room from him, causing his panic…was a small, energetic kitten. It opened its tiny mouth and mewled loudly, causing Zim to hiss at it.

Rayvn took in the scene for a minute, then began to laugh uproariously. "Zim," She said, when she could breathe again. "It's only a kitten." Zim eyed it with distrust.

"It's a FILTHY Earth BEAST! OH IRK! Look at its CLAWS!" Zim scuttled around on his PAK legs to hide behind Rayvn, still keeping an eye on the kitten. Rayvn shook her head and made her way over to the kitten. She picked it up off the couch, stroking its soft orange fur.

"Aweee, such a cute wittle ball of fluff you are," She cooed at it, smiling happily when it purred, contemplating keeping it. She turned around to face Zim. "See? It's not dangerous!"

Zim glared at it mistrustfully. "How do you know?! It could have been sent by The Dib-Stink!" The kitten purred loudly. "DO YOU SEE?! IT PURRED AT THE SOUND OF THE DIBS NAME!" He shrank back away from it, red eyes narrowed.

"Who or what is Dib-stink?" She asked, petting the kitten.

"The one you saved me from. LOOK IT PURRED AGAIN! FILTHY CREATURE! IT WORKS FOR THE DIB I KNOW IT!"

Rayvn sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, that's why it purred. It obviously wasn't the fact that I'm petting it."

"Obviously," Zim nodded, completely missing her sarcasm. Rayvn facepalmed.

"Okay…Zim, how about this: Just pet the kitten once. Okay? Just once." She held it out to the tiny green irken, who bit back another hiss. "Pleeeeeeeaaaaase? I'll buy you more of that flavored salt. And if you like the kitten, we can keep it!"

Zims eyes lit up. He _did_ like flavored salt…"Okay…" He reached hesitantly for the small cat. The kitten, sensing his fear, swiped at him, hissing loudly.

"THE CLAWS! OH MY IRK!" Zim screamed.

Fifteen minutes and several dozen broken things later, the kitten was hiding under the couch and Rayvn was busily removing Zim from her hair, where he had decided to try and hide. "Zim! Zim, that _hurts,_ get out of my hair! I love you but don't think for one second I won't dunk my head in the bathtub and burn you loose if you don't stop right now!"

After a few minutes of heated negotiation, the exchange of a huge bag of Doritos and some flavored salt, Rayvns hair was completely alien free. Zim was standing as far away from the kitten as he could get, clutching his Doritos possessively.

"Soooooo…we aren't keeping the kitten, are we?" Rayvn asked. The tiny irken eyed her with a look that said 'I-know-you-aren't-that-stupid'. "I'll take that as a no."

The kitten was subsequently removed from the house, but Zim was still freaked out by the whole experience and spent the rest of the night hiding under Rayvns covers as she slept, muttering about 'earth beasts' and 'Dib-stink' and 'slorgbeast claws'.


	3. Story 2: Impatient Zim

Zim tapped his foot impatiently as Rayvn got ready, brushing her hair as she stared in the mirror over the bathroom sink. "HURRY! Puny human, the mighty ZIM must call the almighty Tallests!"

Rayvn shot him a look. "Zim, what did i tell you about being patient?"

"This is no time for patience! ZIM DEMANDS THAT YOU HURRY!" zim stamped his foot, pouting like a four year old.

Rayvn slammed the hairbrush down on th counter, turning to glare at Zim. "Zim, you need to be patient. One more outburst like that and there will be consequences."

Zim huffed and stood at attention as Rayvn slowly finished her grooming. She then walked to her bedroom to get her contact lenses, as her glasses had met an unfortunate demise a few weeks earlier. As she searched for her contacts, Zim began to figit. He tried to hold back, but temptation proved too great and he screeched out, "RAYVN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? ZIM WANTS TO LEAVE FOR HIS BASE NOOOOOOOW!" His eyes widened and he clasped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late. Rayvns head popped around the doorframe, her eyes narrowed

"I warned you," She said, grabbing something off the dresser. Zim shot his PAK legs out and tried to scuttle away, but Rayvn caught him by one of his boots and slipped the object around his neck. When he heard the click of a buckle latching into place, he reached up to feel around his neck and found something wrapped snuggly around it. He ran into the bahroom and hopped onto the counter to look into the mirror. Around his neck was a hot pink collar with little diamionds and a bell: a cat collar. He tugged at it, but it wouldn't come off. Hearing a noise, he spun around to find Rayvn standing in the doorway, looking at him. "I warned you," She said again, grinning. "Leave it alone. We're going now."

"What?! The Almighty Tallests can't see this! I'll be the laughingstock of Irk!" Zim whined as he tugged at the collar more.

"Well, you should have listened to me and been patient, shouldn't've you?" Rayvn said, heading for the door. Zim followed her, putting on his wig and contacts as he slipped out the door behind her. He grabbed her hand as they walked, trying to look like an earth child with his mother. He cursed under his breath in Irken when Torque Smackey passed them and laughed at Zims collar.

When they made it to the base, GIR opened the door for them. "MASTER! YOU'RE HOME! YAY!" GIR grinned stupidly. "Whose the ladyyyyyyy?"

Zim glanced at Rayvn nervously. "This is...This...iiiiiisssss...gah," He sighed, "This is my owner."

GIR stood there stupidly for a second, then grinned again. "OKIE DOKIE!" He stepped back and Rayvn and Zim stepped inside and walked to the nearest elevator. They glided swiftly down to the lab. Rayvn plopped down into the chair in front of the computer and Zim keyed in the Massives call-code, tugging at the hot pink collar fitfully. Rayvn reached down and yanked Zim up into her lap as the line began ringing. "So Zim, remember when i said their would be consequences? Consequences is a plural term, so the collar is only one of them. You're going to be quiet and i'm going to talk to the Tallests."

Before Zim could protest, the line was answered and Almighty Tallest Red filled the screen. "Yes Zim, what is it? We're very busy and-HOLY TOLEDO!" He recoiled as away from the screen as he saw a very pouty ,and sullen Zim seated in the lap of a tall, pale alien with black hair. It took him a moment to realize that this must be the captor that zim had mentioned in their last couple of transmitions. The human grinned at the screen, one hand gliding up to pet Zim.

"Greetings, Almighty Tallest," Rayvn said, as Zim shifted uncomfortably in her lap. "I trust Zim has told you about me?"

"Er...yes, he did...your name is Rayvn, right?" Red said, sizing her up. He held in a giggle as he noticed Zims collar.

"Yes. Zim speaks of you quite highly, so i thought it was only right that i speak to you myself." Rayvn smiled. "By the way, i can tell you're trying not to laugh. It's Zims pink collar, isn't it?"

Red cleared his throat, looking sheepish. "Ah...yes. It is. Why is he wearing that exactly?"

"He's in trouble for being rude and impatient, so i put a pink collar on him. I find that the fastest way to correct his behavior is to remind him of his position in my household with an outward symbol." Rayvn explained, continueing to pet the disgruntled Zim.

"What exactly is his position? He never told us," Said Purple, popping in from the background.

"He's a pet," Rayvn said brightly.

Purple and Red glanced at each other, then burst out laughing. Rayvn smiled and Disconnected from them, swiveled the chair and placed Zim on the floor. He glared up at her furiously. "Why?!"

She shrugged. "Because it needed to be done. I Bet you won't be impatient anymore now will you?"

Zim sighed. "No," he said, his shoulders slumped in defeat as he scratched half heartedly at his colar. Rayvn picked him up and blanced him on her hip like a toddler, and they walked home, Rayvn smiling smuggly at having managed to teach Mighty Zim a lesson.

The next morning, Rayvn huffed in frustration as Zim tapped his feet just outside the bathroom door, growling impatiently as Rayvn worked to get her hair brushed so they could go to the store for more Doritos.


End file.
